Dixiegirl's Weblog

On March 14th, 2008, I lost my very best friend, Jennifer.  It was unexpected, she died of a Pulmonary Embolism caused by a clot (DVT).  Those of us who knew her were left with a hole in our hearts and our lives that day.  It is still hard for me to comprehend at times, even though it has been a year today.  I miss her so much – a day does not go by that I do not think about her. This past year, so many times things in life would happen and the first thing I would want to do would be to pick up the phone and call Jenn. Then, of course, I’d realize that was not possible.  Somewhere within I feel that Jenn knows these things I long to share with her, she is still with me, in my heart, that’s how it is when you love someone.

I met Jenn when she was a Senior in high school.  We worked together in a pharmacy. I was pregnant with my first child and Jennifer was just about to enter college.  I remember Jenn being very dedicated and focused on her work, even as a teenager, she had great respect for the responsibility of the welfare of others.  This quality would be one she possessed throughout her career.  Jenn went on to graduate from MCV and become a Pharmacist.

As time went by we become closer and we would get together on her college breaks and I would sometimes drive up to the “Burg”(the W&M term for Williamsburg),  to visit her at college.  Back at home, our favorite thing to do was to hang out at some of the restaurants at Waterside, on the Norfolk harbor, or down at the beach at the Duck Inn.  She was the one person I could tell anything and she would never judge me.  It didn’t matter how stupid the mistake or silly the idea—she would make me feel better about it.   Jenn would be openly honest, she did not like to sugar coat things, but she would always convince me that no matter the problem there would be a way to work it out.

Jenn became attached to my daughter and my daughter was enamored with her.  Jenn quickly became Aunt Jennifer.   Jenn would not stand for the traditional “Miss” we southerners feel compelled to place in front of women’s names, and I refused for my 2 year old to call her by her first name. Aunt Jennifer fit and fit well.  Jennifer was family, as I consider many of my friends to be.  I have never been one to allow blood relations to dictate how I will feel about someone. I was a single mom raising a precious little girl and Jenn was there to be one of  the voices of reason when things would get insane.  Those were difficult but happy years and Jenn was there to help me through it.

Jenn introduced me to my husband, Jason, and to pay her back, I made her my Maid of Honor in our wedding.  She was there with me at the birth of my son, and was there to say goodbye when I moved to the cold, Yankee badlands of Delaware.  I missed her terribly, but we got together every time I went home to Virginia.  Not long after the move, my mother was diagnosed with cancer.  Now anyone who knows my Mom, knows that she is a “tough broad” ( I leave out the old because I don’t want to get popped next time I see my mother).  Jenn recognized this right off because she was a “tough broad” herself.  It is very hard for me, being so far away from someone I love, especially in their time of need– it makes you feel as though you are helpless.  Jenn would reassure me, she would check on Mom and let me know how it was going at the hospital.  Being a Pharmacist, she would decipher the medical jargon and let me know reality of the situation.  Most of all, she told me over and over, Mom will pull through.  My Mom would face more cancer surgeries as the years passed and an open-heart bypass, and unfortunately my Father had a few health issues of his own.  Each time, Jenn would be there, reassuring me, she would remind me “you know your parents are tougher than this disease, it’s going to be okay”!  And thankfully, she was right.

Looking back now, it amazes me how different we were.  Jenn was a career professional and I left the working world to become a stay at home mom.  She loved her life as a single woman as I chose that of wife and mother.  We never agreed on politics, at all.  We would have debates for hours then just end it with “so where are we going to eat”.  Those around us were amazed that we could disagree on so much and still remain close.  Our characters and opinions were different, yet we complemented each other.  Jenn thrived on diversity and was always up for a good challenge.  Through our differences we learned to appreciate different perspectives, it strengthened our friendship all the more, and ultimately I believe we learned a little bit about ourselves.

Jenn thought it was so unfair that we could not hang out like we used to, so she declared that we needed girlfriend getaways.  We decided to plan “girls only” trips in April and September, to celebrate our birthdays.  We traveled to Atlantic City, Ocean City, Rehoboth Beach, Bethany Beach, Cape May, Nags Head, St Augustine, Ft Lauderdale, Miami, Key West, the Bahamas, Jamaica, Charleston, New Orleans, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Lancaster, Richmond, Washington DC, and Alexandria—some places more than once!  Our last trip was to be to Bermuda, it was one of her most favorite places, I remember she used to say Bermuda is bermudiful!  Sadly, Jenn passed before we were to go. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was call and cancel the trip. I almost broke down when agent asked why we were canceling and if we could reschedule.  I am hoping to make it to Bermuda this year as a way of remembering Jenn.  She had a great passion for travel and I developed a love for it as well. I plan to continue to post several of our trips in my “Travel” category.  When she traveled, Jenn took it all in—the surroundings, the people, the food, everything.  She wanted to experience all life had to offer.  I am glad she lived life that way.   Although her life was cut short, she experienced so many things, I am inspired in her approach to life.

To Jennifer, a friendship was to be treasured.  She enjoyed socializing, and was always ready to listen.  If you think about it, it is hard to find, someone to listen — I mean really listen.  Listen so well, that they can hear things that you say and things that you don’t say.  Jenn was this kind of friend.  It never mattered what was going on, what time of day or night, what mattered to her was that she could be there for her friend.  Happiness or sadness – she wanted to share it with you.  Jennifer was truly a devoted friend.

I have so many wonderful memories that I shared with Jennifer.  Two of them come to mind right away.  One was from summer 2007.  We were at Busch Gardens and they had just opened a new roller coaster called the Griffon.  Now this roller coaster is no joke, and quite frankly as I have gotten older, I do not ride roller coasters.  Jenn on the other hand is something of a roller coaster connoisseur   The kids wanted me to ride, my brother,  wanted me to ride, but I—the final voice of reason—did not want me to ride.  Well, you guessed it — I rode the Griffon!  It was awesome, and the amazing thing was Jenn was beside me, my kids, my brother, we were all seated in one row, and they were all cheering me on.  It was a fantastic ride— and I am reasonably sure my last roller coaster ride. Like they always have been, Jenn was there, with my kids, my brother, all of them, there to calm my fears and to experience the excitement of the ride of a lifetime.  It was definitely something I will never forget.

The last time I was with Jennifer was a Sunday morning.  We were sprawled across the bed in her guest room, both still in our jammies, enjoying what Jenn termed as “cave time”.  We were reading the paper, sipping our coffee, just enjoying chatting about life in general. I had spent the night at her place, affectionately known as “Hotel Norfolk” by myself, and many of Jenn’s friends.  I remember thinking how great it felt, just to relax and enjoy the company of a good friend. Had I known it was my last time to be with her, I would have treasured the time even more.

Jennifer was a treasure, a true friend, one of my best friends.  I learned so many things from her, experienced so many things I would have never considered on my own, she opened my mind and had a profound affect on my life.  I consider myself truly blessed for having known her.

God Bless you Jennifer, I miss you.