Helicopter Mom
I have a friend who flies helicopters, and I think that is pretty cool, but if you are called a Helicopter Mom or Parent, you are definitely not cool. Well, I am a Helicopter Mom and I am proud of it! What is a Helicopter Mom you ask? Schools or colleges refer to parents they consider “too involved” as a Helicopter Parent. Well, I have always been very involved with both my kids, and although I am not foolish enough to believe that I know everything about my children, my kids know I am there, active where I can be, on the sidelines if they need me. Since there were small, my husband and I have taught our children to try and handle their own problems. They may not be successful, but each attempt gave us the opportunity to teach something new. We would ask the child why they thought their approach did or did not work, what they thought could be done differently, and sometimes we would even introduced the dreaded “when I was a kid” approach. If the problem could not be resolved by the child, then a parent would have to become involved. This has always worked well for us, so you can imagine my shock when I realized I was a Helicopter Parent.
Before I go any further in my tirade, let me state that I have the utmost respect for educators, my major was education in college but I decided to pursue a career in the business world. I expect my children to show respect for their educators and my kids will tell you that they know I am quite serious about my expectations and the consequences for failure to meet them. In my opinion, teaching is one of the most important, least appreciated, certainly undervalued financially, of all the professions known to man. That said, certainly, there are those who should not teach. By far, both of my kids have been blessed with fantastic teachers. Unfortunately, we have encountered one or two teachers in which this was not the case. In situations involving these teachers, my child would attempt to solve a problem with the teacher only to be rebuffed, or the situation ignored. Eventually this would leave my child frustrated and they would either give up, or bring the problem to me. Should my husband and I be made aware of the situation, we would discuss the problem with the child and then together decide the best course of action. The involvement of the child is absolutely necessary, this is ” prime learning time”. How children learn to negotiate with other people in childhood, will certainly relate to their success in adult relationships.
What did I learn? Well each time my child would tell me, “Mom, they do not treat me the same when you are not there”. In the few situations that actually made it that far, I realized that yes, my kid was pretty perceptive, they were being treated differently. What did my child learn? Well, they learned that you still treat others with respect, even though they may not treat you as you desire, you still attempt to solve the problem–although sometimes you have to be creative, and last, everyone usually answers to someone. If you can’t resolve a problem at one level, and it is an important problem, take it up a notch. I have had to contact Principals, Administrators, School Boards and even Superintendents–and I am certainly not bragging, I think it is pitiful that things had to go that far! Point is, if you believe your right, stick to your principles and seek the help of others–don’t just give up and accept things as they are.
If Helicopter Moms are frowned upon during the school age years, well then they certainly are more discouraged in the college years. Unfortunately, they are sometimes even more needed! I am sorry, I am supposed to hand this school my kid and my money( lots of my money) and then walk away?? I don’t think so. My daughter is in college out of state, just far enough for her independence and just close enough that we can be to her in an hour (if I am driving). Living on campus was something we wanted our daughter to experience, a part of becoming an adult, if you will. I admit, the separation process was hard, more so on me than my daughter, but again, a necessary part of the growing-up process. The first time I came across the term, Helicopter Parent, it was in material sent to the parents by the college. I was a little insulted, but my hope was that my daughter would be able to deal with whatever she encountered, and that our involvement, other than that of stroking checks, would be on the sidelines. Bless her heart, she did so well. She tried to handle every situation, most of which were resolved, at least the ones she shared with us. But there were a few– mostly involving dorms, equipment and maintenance– that were quite simply ignored. These people looked on my daughter as a “lowly college kid” and felt she should be happy with whatever she got. She treated them with respect, as she was taught, they treated her with contempt. Who did she think she was expecting to be able to shower, use the bathroom, wash her laundry and get her mail? They had more important things to deal with than the likes of a “mere college student”. My daughter made 3 or 4 attempts over the course of days, even weeks sometimes,only to be ignored. But look…up in the sky…it’s a bird…no a plane…no it’s Helicopter Mom! I made a call, sent a few emails, all respectfully worded of course, and all was cleared up. That was it. Now I ask you, why couldn’t these people have treated my daughter with the same respect that they treated me?
I have come to the conclusion that there are a relative few at these institutions, schools and colleges, that force us to become Helicopter Parents. Now please don’t confuse me with those wacked out parents who expects that their kid must have the lead in the play, the band solo, all A’s, and they do not mind who they step on or insult (including their own child) to achieve said goal. I am adamantly not one of those parents. But I do not apologize for being a Helicopter Mom either. In fact, I come from a long line of them. There were many trips to the school on my behalf as a child, and I am sure I must have embarrassed my parents on more than one occassion, stellar student that I was. I remember my parents telling me that ” a parent is their child’s best advocate”. As a child who cares more for you, wants more for you, gives more for you on this earth, than a parent! So thanks Mom, and Dad, for helping me to become a Helicopter Mom, and by the way — I am proud of it!