Here’s Your Sign…
So being from the South I have always enjoyed the humor of Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engval. One of the routines that Bill does is about “stupid people” and how they should wear a sign warning the rest of us. You know, the ones who ask “You have a flat tire” when they find you sitting on the side of the road in 90 degree heat. You just want to respond “Uh no, the other three just swole up and I thought I would just sit here and wait for the last one to swell”. Yeah you know people like this… the movers showing up saying “So your moving” and you say “Nope, just pack up all the junk once a week for the fun of it”. Heres your sign!
Well I think I could have used one of those signs the other day. I had been delaying it as long as I could, but it was time, really time, that I got my hair cut. Anyone who knows me well knows how I hate to do this…almost as much as I hate shopping for jeans or a bathing suit…I hate getting my hair cut. My hair has always been thin and invariably the hair stylist (and I use that term loosely) cuts it too short. The finished product leaves me looking like I am ready to audition for Annie (as in Little Orphan, not Woody Allen). Along with the thin hair I have the natural curls – the ones with a complete mind of their own and that you can never do a thing with. I try desperately to prevent the inevitable and take at least 10 minutes to explain to the stylist what exactly needs to be done, and it always ends up the same.
I had a very bad experience at one salon a while back, so I decided to try a different one. I walk in, the receptionist, who has beautiful hair by the way, asks are “Are you here to get a haircut today”. Ok stop, you think you know where I might go with this, but wait…she is not the one at fault, sure I could say something like “No I just love the smell of hot curling irons in the morning”, but this poor girl is not the one in need of the sign. No it is I who should have worn the sign this fateful day.
You see, the next question she asks me is “ Do you want a particular stylist”. Now I am a firm believer in the truth of the phrase “never trust a skinny chef” and along the same line “never trust a stylist with bad hair”. Unfortunately I had a brain lapse and said “No”. So she calls the stylist over and introduces her –this girl, who looks barely out of high school, has hair that is wild standing straight up, and mixed in the Jet black color is Pink, bright Pink! So here I am, knowing that I should stop the nightmare right then and there…buttttttttttt, I did not. I told myself, it will be okay, she is not dyeing my hair, its just a cut, I will take lots of time to be sure she understands…in the meantime my brain is screaming No -No Don’t Go! Heres your sign!
It did not end well. Cost me 30$ and I ended up with pixie bangs. Oh and if the air is on high in car the bangs stick straight up—this has led to more than a few strange looks at the drive thru and gas station. I’ve since learned to look in the mirror before making public contact. I know, I know, it will grow out. And really, it’s my own fault, why would I think someone who can’t manage their own hair could deal with my complicated mess! It should have been a sign—for me—but I woke up with a case of “stupid” that morning I guess.
Later that evening, overhearing the heated conversation I was having with my mirror -fussing and complaining about my hair – my husband came in to see what was the problem. His response, “Oh honey, you’re beautiful”. Well I am sure he would say this to me even if I were bald, but then I have to say he is a pretty smart guy after 15 years of marriage! Honey, you get a different kind of sign!